Sunday, April 13, 2008……08:36…
Glorious morning . Eroica / Chopin.1/2/
Cyn to “ six churches” I ? I remain sanguine, almost.
Simply wait, sit, no longer fornicate.
After my full stop at the hospital, I remain also at the complete dead end. Time hangs on my head and somewhere between the middle of my body, this slight question mark, this slight tugging tension , even a vague apprehension, then, looking at the other 99% of the population of this Planet, where precisely are they ??
I no longer have any hopes , aspirations, no inclination to rush anywhere, to see anyone, maybe I am fortunate, more than I know or realize. Perhaps, only perhaps, I should do as so many other people do , find some purpose, achievement, something to strive for , or more prosaically, some woman to impress, to run too, hoping deep between her legs there will be the answer. Very few men see so brusquely, so devastatingly, the hidden truth . Over the years I have covered all the ground on this, “the” subject of life, which leaves my self and a few others doubtlessly, simply, as said, “waiting” fully refusing to make some final gesture to existence, in any direction whatsoever, only living for our own ideas but where the other factor savagely trips in “money”, I am still subservient . So very many people who have so much do not “see” their immunity from what for most is the daily drudgery. The rich, those with the full freedom of money, their lives a endless rush to nowhere…. They live to impress, to make some mark on the hard surface of reality, which culminates into just another crumbling edifice, a few ideas remain, mostly with the art/music/writing syndrome. No, I have always side stepped, much to the disgust and indignation of other people, especially the hard female faces, refusing to adhere to “their” conventions, to accept them. A sense of obligation or duty has never been any consideration of mine…only in so far as money itself “demands” In the past I have been quite so gullible as the next man in parting with whatever I possessed to the altar of sex, never going quite so far as nailing myself down, a achievement in itself. The majority of males only realize the implications for their selves when it is far too late, they having been deliberately kept far too busy.
( Odd, peaceful morning and afternoon !) blogged.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008………17:24….. Long day, dress rehearsal for Doctor which was OK but I very tired and spent day in bed.
Quite some straightening out remains in the short time available, all this because I do not have money to continue.
Thought crept into my head, starting with Stef in bed yesterday morning, how languid I felt. I then linked that to my computer game , re “hallucinations” Have I finally stumbled upon the answer to women? That they can develop into a deep hallucination for men in the initial stages, a blindness, a false euphoria, a delusion, a delirium, a fantasy, all wrapped loosely under the cover of “love”?? The reality striking hard when the “damage” insidiously creeping into the situation becomes complete.. i.e. when the female specie achieves her programmed destination and conceives. Then all hell breaks loose, disguised, calmed by society’s conventions ..as the accepted socially and politically correct procedure, something to be “proud and totally committed to” Hell interpreted as heaven… !
“ You have had your four minutes fun, now pay for the rest of your life in every possible, every unimagined, painful way.”
The record holder for taking her clothes off and plunging endlessly, without the slightest hesitation, into this plethora of creation was Alexandria..12 seconds.
Finally, have given Stef a nudge as she could not get out of bed to see me in my last few hours relatively.. let it be known to her I have already left for UK.
Glorious morning . Eroica / Chopin.1/2/
Cyn to “ six churches” I ? I remain sanguine, almost.
Simply wait, sit, no longer fornicate.
After my full stop at the hospital, I remain also at the complete dead end. Time hangs on my head and somewhere between the middle of my body, this slight question mark, this slight tugging tension , even a vague apprehension, then, looking at the other 99% of the population of this Planet, where precisely are they ??
I no longer have any hopes , aspirations, no inclination to rush anywhere, to see anyone, maybe I am fortunate, more than I know or realize. Perhaps, only perhaps, I should do as so many other people do , find some purpose, achievement, something to strive for , or more prosaically, some woman to impress, to run too, hoping deep between her legs there will be the answer. Very few men see so brusquely, so devastatingly, the hidden truth . Over the years I have covered all the ground on this, “the” subject of life, which leaves my self and a few others doubtlessly, simply, as said, “waiting” fully refusing to make some final gesture to existence, in any direction whatsoever, only living for our own ideas but where the other factor savagely trips in “money”, I am still subservient . So very many people who have so much do not “see” their immunity from what for most is the daily drudgery. The rich, those with the full freedom of money, their lives a endless rush to nowhere…. They live to impress, to make some mark on the hard surface of reality, which culminates into just another crumbling edifice, a few ideas remain, mostly with the art/music/writing syndrome. No, I have always side stepped, much to the disgust and indignation of other people, especially the hard female faces, refusing to adhere to “their” conventions, to accept them. A sense of obligation or duty has never been any consideration of mine…only in so far as money itself “demands” In the past I have been quite so gullible as the next man in parting with whatever I possessed to the altar of sex, never going quite so far as nailing myself down, a achievement in itself. The majority of males only realize the implications for their selves when it is far too late, they having been deliberately kept far too busy.
( Odd, peaceful morning and afternoon !) blogged.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008………17:24….. Long day, dress rehearsal for Doctor which was OK but I very tired and spent day in bed.
Quite some straightening out remains in the short time available, all this because I do not have money to continue.
Thought crept into my head, starting with Stef in bed yesterday morning, how languid I felt. I then linked that to my computer game , re “hallucinations” Have I finally stumbled upon the answer to women? That they can develop into a deep hallucination for men in the initial stages, a blindness, a false euphoria, a delusion, a delirium, a fantasy, all wrapped loosely under the cover of “love”?? The reality striking hard when the “damage” insidiously creeping into the situation becomes complete.. i.e. when the female specie achieves her programmed destination and conceives. Then all hell breaks loose, disguised, calmed by society’s conventions ..as the accepted socially and politically correct procedure, something to be “proud and totally committed to” Hell interpreted as heaven… !
“ You have had your four minutes fun, now pay for the rest of your life in every possible, every unimagined, painful way.”
The record holder for taking her clothes off and plunging endlessly, without the slightest hesitation, into this plethora of creation was Alexandria..12 seconds.
Finally, have given Stef a nudge as she could not get out of bed to see me in my last few hours relatively.. let it be known to her I have already left for UK.
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